Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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