just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
