"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
