so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
