so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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