Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
