hotel room ftw
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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