Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
