clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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