we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
