I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
