how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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