Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
