Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
