Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
