Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
