That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
