I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
