the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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