Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
