You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just gift wrapped bread.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
