Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
