Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
