someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
