Nicole vs. Life
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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