just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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