I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
