I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
