Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
