i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
