You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Damn victory sex feels great
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
