we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
