I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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