dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
