I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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