i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
