She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
