dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
