Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it glows. i had to have it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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