I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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