I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
