2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize