This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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