I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
