I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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