Kiss
Puke
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize