i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
