forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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