Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
