I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
