i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize