I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
