eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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