I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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