so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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