dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
