I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
