a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize