my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
