I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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