you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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