Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize