This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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