Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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