): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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