i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
