He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize