Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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