WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
