Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
