I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
